Hello! I'm writing a poem, and I decided to include a Japanese part to it. I'm a half-Japanese who was born and raised in the United States, so obviously my Japanese is not completely on par with that of a native born Japanese. I'm fairly confident that my writing, romaji and translations are good, but there's always the possibility that I've made a mistake. Naturally, in the event that I have, I'd like to correct it.

(Sorry if this is the wrong category to put this in, by the way. I just figured my question fit best here.)

Some other things I'd like to ask if anyone is willing to answer are:

- Are my brackets good? I mean, are they the correct ones to use for the situation?

- Were any commas I used used correctly?

- Did I use my macrons (¯) right? Are there any other letters that require macrons over them?

- Are there any words or phrases which possess more eloquence that would be appropriate to replace the existing ones?

- Could my translations be altered to convey the meanings of the phrases or words better?

A lot of questions, I know. But I want to get this part right. Anyway, thanks to anyone who'll take the time to answer me. Without further ado, here's the Japanese part of my poem:

「赤い糸、赤い糸」
Akai itō, akai itō
Red string, red string

「人生はなんですか?」
Jinsei wa nan desu ka?
What is life?

「神さま、神さま」
Kamisama, Kamisama
God, God

「答えてください」
Kotaete kudasai
Please answer

「どこにいますか?」
Dokō ni imasu ka?
Where are you?

「赤い糸、赤い糸」
Akai itō, akai itō
Red string, red string

「人生はなんですか?」
Jinsei wa nan desu ka?
What is life?

「神さま、神さま」
Kamisama, Kamisama
God, God

「答えてよ」
Kotaete yō
Answer me

「運命はなん色?」
Unmei wa nan irō?
What color is fate?

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Posted by ghoulish
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